Embracing Failure

They say every day is a learning experience. These past three months have been a huge wake-up-call for myself in ways that I would have never expected. Graduating a semester early, I left the books to form my own life outside of the scholastic walls. In my mind, I pictured a grand entrance into the real world... celebrate Christmas with my family, come February I would impress a major publication in the North West with my resume and portfolio, move out and become successful.. **POOF** Just. That. Simple...

However, March 1st rolled around on the home front, and I was still sitting at home in my basement- baggy T-shirt and coffee cup in hand with nothing to do on a Wednesday but search for more job openings anywhere to do anything. If this job search were a war in itself, you could just go ahead and call me Braxton Bragg (A little civil war history to jog your noggin.)

A resume sent here, a cover letter there, and only a handful of responses. A few interviews (that have gotten me quite familiar with the US interstate system) all coming back unfruitful, inquiries that came back with blunt disinterest, and the worst- a few coming back with advice to stay in school for a MFA and then "get back to us." Failure, my friend, has been my friend for so long, I've almost submitted to having her join my league of justice as a sidekick. Not okay, people!

((For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."- Jeremiah 29:11))

Failure was dancing above my head like a looming rain cloud... thunder was the laughter targeted at every attempt I put forth to stay motivated, lighting was the fleeting sense of hope coming and going within milliseconds.

I will never forget the moment, a few days before St. Patrick's Day, when I had had enough. I sat down and evaluated everything. Did I really even want half of those jobs I applied for? No... because all they were were attempts to secure a position and put money in my pocket. Would they help fulfill my dreams to photograph and write someday? To have a lasting impact on the people around me? Or how about the most important goal I wish to acheive- Be happy and surrounded by people I love and cherish? No, only better my ability to deliver coffee and sit in a cubical looking at nude felt overlay.

So I made the decision right then and there to take every failure that I had accumulated and toss each into the wind- but not before thanking each and every one of them for bringing me back to the right path. Sometimes, I think God WANTS us to surrender so that we can gain so much more...

(Or a balloon...)

As of today, I have plans to relocate back to the Carolinas in the company of great friends and several bookmarks in my browser with potential employment ventures. One small step for man Maxann, one giant leap for mankind towards opportunity. Will I fail at this attempt too?...quite possibly! But what is worth more in the long run? Failure from lack of action, or failure from taking a risk only to learn which road to travel next? I will pick the latter, thank you.