The Little Red Tree

One of the greatest hurdles I've had to overcome (and still tackle daily) is the fact that I am no longer within a reasonable driving distance from my family. Perhaps it's the holiday season approaching, or the fact that I moved to the city where the majority of my friends (new and old) are from... seeing them with the option to spend weeknights and weekends with loved ones only reminds me of the time I wish I could spend with mine. Either or... this girl is homesick.

One of the greatest joys of autumn in my hometown is the little red tree that sits outside of our home...
Every single year for about a week or less, it sheds its leaves for the fall... only after they turn the most violent red that blindsides you as you drive past. One day almost 16 years ago as I hopped off the bus, my awkward pigeon toed frame walked hand  in hand with my mom as I explained the poetry contest I wanted to enter at my school. The prompt was, "When I turn around I see..." but I couldn't think of anything grand enough to satisfy my tiny mind in the creative process.

My mom stopped me at my drive way, covered my eyes, and spun me around right on the spot- and when she released her hand from above my nose, the little red tree sat there in all its glory. I wrote about that tree, won third at the state level, and forever more held an inanimate plant so close to my heart, it soon became a tradition to admire its beautiful metamorphosis. This tree may not hold much significance to many on Winpenny, but to my family, it will always be the tree that inspired a blonde haired 6-year-old to write a poem that eventually turned into a passion for writing...

While texting with my dad the other night, he sent me two pictures of the little red tree, explaining that the weather had been see-sawing this fall and the tree just didn't get its normal shade of vibrant red this year.

He continued on to say that it may just be because it is growing up, much like his little girl. Needless to say, my heart began to hurt as I turned off my phone for the night and the homesickness grew on. Closing my eyes, I began praying to God to give me strength to persevere until I can return home for the holidays next month... After the little red tree shed all of its color and its magic was long gone.

Yesterday, as I was walking home from a long Monday at work, the pang in my heart returned... but not because of the sadness brought on by the longing to be back in MD... but for the surprise that greeted me outside of my apartment...

The brightest of all reds swayed in the wind and a familiar rustle wafted on the breeze. I snapped a picture and sent it to my parents, tears in my eyes...

Looks like God knew if I couldn't physically make it back home, he could provide a little bit of home to me. This little reminder that his warmth and sense of comfort in the traditions and beauty that surrounds us was exactly the kind of the strength I needed. And as my dad reminded me with his response... God's fingerprints are everywhere.

A Runner's Prayer

Dear Lord...
Thank you for waking me with a starry sky
a promise that you're watching with a twinkling eye
as my feet are lifted to the floor
place my shoes on my feet and head out the door
Thank you for the crisp September air
and the subtle breeze that catches in my blonde hair
thank you for the friends that bring a smile to my face
and a painfree body for this 70 mile race
Thank you for comforting our restless nerves
a grace in which not one of us deserves
you place your hands on our wheels until we park at the start
and press your ear to my chest to keep my steady heart
Thank you for the dew, and the foggy sunrise scene
for my teammates and I to run into at a time so obscene
thank you for the silence and the cricket churps too
the hills and the hurdles that we all had to work through
Thank you for my muscles, stretched and warmed up for strength
and for removing my mind of worry, doubt, and angst.
Thank you for family and their encouraging words
and thanks for the humming of insects, the chirping of birds
Thank you for each breath: whether short, sharp, or deep
that carried us up and down bridges, slippery and steep
Thank you for headlights, reflecting vests so bright
and getting us through the 77 miles all alright!
Thank you lord for my teammates, for our competetors too
and we all survived the madness that is this sport that we do
and as I lay my head down at the end of the night
I say this runner's prayer and turn out the light.

Let's Reflect

"He has taken me to the banquet hall, and his banner over me is love." Song of Solomon 2:4

This morning, I went to the 9:30am service at my new church home, Elevation-Uptown. Walking into service, I thought to myself- This feeling in my heart, is it heaviness? No... It was more like it was busy. Chaotic, scurrying through the crowded confines of my mind trying to make sense of what was on my conscious and deciding if it was in sync...

Spoiler Alert- They were no where close to being on the same page.

So many things coming in and out of that space between my ears- My current job frustrating me until the breaking point that comes on the 6:30am commute. Tears, sniffles, and sad radio songs were the soundtrack to this past week. Missing loved ones at home, feeling a need-with every passing second- to improve myself or find something to satisfy my craving for change.



Now I won't drag you in to a pity party- I know I have a lot going for me right now...
Four months into my new job and every day I come home with enough energy to maybe pop open the microwave to heat up a bowl of soup. But this is the job I prayed for, and God delivered. It can be satisfying, a long day at work- only to come home and get into an outfit unsuitable for the public eye should I still wish to hold on to an ounce of dignity.

I am also training for my longest race to date- the Disney full marathon. Happening in less than two months. Every weekend from here on out, I am promised a 14+ mile run. Sorry knees and back, you are about to be very very sore- but I promise to ice you and take care of you when you want to cry.


I am also going home on Wednesday to spend some much needed time with friends and family. I am starting to compile a variety of DIY Christmas gift ideas that will require my crafty side. Writing blogs and short stories with hot cups of coffee has been a go-to stress reliever should I receive any free time, as well as playing flag football and cooking spaghetti squash (my new favorite food!)


Why am I giving you what may seem like a trivial amount of information about my life? What does this have to do with the sermon I originally brought up at the start of this rant? Well, it is what sparked this little moment of reflection that I hope opens a doorway for you to sit down and do just the same- Reflect.

Another story that back-boned the sermon today was that of Luke 9:14-17:

¹⁴ (About five thousand men were there.) But he said to his disciples, ‘Make them sit down in groups of about fifty each.’ ¹⁵ The disciples did so, and everyone sat down. ¹⁶ Taking the five loaves and the two fish and looking up to heaven, he gave thanks and broke them. Then he gave them to the disciples to distribute to the people. ¹⁷ They all ate and were satisfied, and the disciples picked up twelve basket fulls of broken pieces that were left over."

I am thankful for the resurrection of this account back into my mind to carry with me through this week. It was a sweet reminder that we can't give our best, our all- if we don't ask God to bless us and our actions first. Without the help and promise from God, that loaf (let's make this bread signify our actions and deeds) won't feed the masses- heck- it may not even fill YOU! And as bright as day- this concept reminded me- I'm not full because I am not asking to be guided, to be blessed, to be loved... Only EXPECTING it.

If we wish for our days to be filled with meaningful purpose and drive, don't we need to thank and ask the one who gave us this ability first in order to gain ownership to give it away? What's on my heart and what is in my mind is implanted there from the fingertips of God- and without glorifying the giver, how can I take ownership in order to fulfill his wish for us to give back?

A little reminder- we are framed by the banner of "Love"-so be the example of love by thanking the giver, feeling it, embracing its presence, and then reciprocating it.

And there's my reflection for the day- Happy Monday Eve, Loves.

Don't give up for your work will be rewarded- 2 Chronicles

“But as for you, be strong and do not give up, for your work will be rewarded.” 2 Chronicles 15:7

A daily reminder in this ever-a-whirlwind world. Oh Lord, be my strength in time of weakness <333>

Hey It's Ok... I'm moving today!

Today is the day!! Moving day has finally arrived. I remember the day like it was yesterday. April 1st, posting a hypothetical facebook status "Anyone looking for a roommate in Charlotte?", getting an instant reply from a friend I met back in January, and signing a lease four days later.

For weeks I have been going to swingsets, running down trails, and walking at dusk- reflecting on my current life and anticipating this new adventure as part of my blooming adulthood... And now, I am on the road with a horse trailer filled with my life belongings. As excited as I am, I can't help but feel a bit stressed... maybe even a little nervous? Am I really heading to a new city with no plans, no jobs, and no agenda?

YUP! That would be oh so correct. But after visiting the city briefly (A total of 2 times and only for 24 hours each) and hours and hours of praying that God would lead me to a post-graduation destination, Charlotte NC was ringing a bell loud and clear.

Perhaps the hardest part of leaving is looking in my rearview to see a beautiful farm and my family that I love more than life itself. Their support and guidance, not only through this moving process, but for the last 22 years of my life just brings a tear to my eye. They are beyond wonderful and I couldn't have asked God for a more perfect image of his grace and humility than what I see from my mom, dad, and brother.

But on a lighter note, I leave you....

Oh Darling, It's Ok!
If you forgot that "You Got Mail" is your favorite Meg Ryan film because of the quirky grandmother comments and the nostaligia you reach when you hear that "*weeooohhh reeeowwwww* DINGA DINGA *Kaching!* You got mail!" sound in every scene.

CRED

Your BEST FRIENDS are named Monica, Chandler, Pheobe, Joey, Ross, and Rachel

Before looking up directions to your new apartment, you search the surrounding restaraunts to see where you'll be dining your first night in town.

If you place all of your stuffed animals in the back seat of your car for the moving trip and buckle them up. Hey! Safety first!

If you come across an old photo from your high school's senior prom and get a pain in your heart when you realize you miss an old friend so so much, even if you haven't kept in touch with them as much as you now wish you had...

Have a great weekend, lovelies! Next time I write you, I'll be in the Queen City!

Embracing Failure

They say every day is a learning experience. These past three months have been a huge wake-up-call for myself in ways that I would have never expected. Graduating a semester early, I left the books to form my own life outside of the scholastic walls. In my mind, I pictured a grand entrance into the real world... celebrate Christmas with my family, come February I would impress a major publication in the North West with my resume and portfolio, move out and become successful.. **POOF** Just. That. Simple...

However, March 1st rolled around on the home front, and I was still sitting at home in my basement- baggy T-shirt and coffee cup in hand with nothing to do on a Wednesday but search for more job openings anywhere to do anything. If this job search were a war in itself, you could just go ahead and call me Braxton Bragg (A little civil war history to jog your noggin.)

A resume sent here, a cover letter there, and only a handful of responses. A few interviews (that have gotten me quite familiar with the US interstate system) all coming back unfruitful, inquiries that came back with blunt disinterest, and the worst- a few coming back with advice to stay in school for a MFA and then "get back to us." Failure, my friend, has been my friend for so long, I've almost submitted to having her join my league of justice as a sidekick. Not okay, people!

((For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."- Jeremiah 29:11))

Failure was dancing above my head like a looming rain cloud... thunder was the laughter targeted at every attempt I put forth to stay motivated, lighting was the fleeting sense of hope coming and going within milliseconds.

I will never forget the moment, a few days before St. Patrick's Day, when I had had enough. I sat down and evaluated everything. Did I really even want half of those jobs I applied for? No... because all they were were attempts to secure a position and put money in my pocket. Would they help fulfill my dreams to photograph and write someday? To have a lasting impact on the people around me? Or how about the most important goal I wish to acheive- Be happy and surrounded by people I love and cherish? No, only better my ability to deliver coffee and sit in a cubical looking at nude felt overlay.

So I made the decision right then and there to take every failure that I had accumulated and toss each into the wind- but not before thanking each and every one of them for bringing me back to the right path. Sometimes, I think God WANTS us to surrender so that we can gain so much more...

(Or a balloon...)

As of today, I have plans to relocate back to the Carolinas in the company of great friends and several bookmarks in my browser with potential employment ventures. One small step for man Maxann, one giant leap for mankind towards opportunity. Will I fail at this attempt too?...quite possibly! But what is worth more in the long run? Failure from lack of action, or failure from taking a risk only to learn which road to travel next? I will pick the latter, thank you.

Still On the Prowl... for a Job

Still awaiting to hear back from a few locations about future jobs, I am learning to listen and indulge in the ever-daunting task of being patient. But as many people have said over and over, I am trying to enjoy this downtime as much as possible. On my third book since I graduated in December and plans to visit McCutcheon's homemade, mason-jar-packed food store downtown, I know today will be another good day to research more job possibilities, drink coffee, and plan more adventures.

Dog sitting in VA all weekend, I'll be tempted to explore the surrounding area and look into more opportunities I HOPE will wander my way. Here is to Hope and Adventure!

In times of uncertainty...

Philippians 4:6-7 

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. 

So much uncertainty comes with graduating college. I thought I eagerly anticipated this time period of slowing down and waiting... but now that two months have passed without any job offers, I can say I have felt somewhat defeated.  But some days are better reminders than others- I am on the right track whether I see the purpose behind God's plan in plain sight... or not.


Coming from working 40-50 hour weeks (between 2 jobs and classes), I feel like this free time is a stranger to me. Cooking for two hours, followed by a workout for three hours, time to eat again, then four hours spent watching Friends on TBS and Pinning on Pinterest. 


Perhaps this is God's timing to let me reflect and breathe. Because as I have been told numerous times again and again- I will never get this down time once thrown into the working world. It is time for me to seek out a path that I know I am supposed to travel down... that allows me to be who I am and who I'm supposed to become. 

Psalm 121:3-8

He will not let your foot be moved; he who keeps you will not slumber. Behold, he who keeps Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. The Lord is your keeper; the Lord is your shade on your right hand. The sun shall not strike you by day, nor the moon by night. The Lord will keep you from all evil; he will keep your life. ...

1 Peter 2:1

So put away all malice and all deceit and hypocrisy and envy and all slander.

1 Peter 5:7

Casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.

 

Dog Backwards Spells G.O.D. (Thankful Thursdays)

This Thankful Thursday, I'd like to dedicate this post to a best Friend who we recently just lost...

My little Sadie Girl

Have you ever realized that DOG spelled backwards is GOD?
I know that God put dogs on this earth to do far more for us than just bark at the people passing by and beg for treats at the dinner table.
I firmly believe that Dogs are put here to offer us the tangible grace, forgiveness, compassion, love and friendship we may not fully comprehend otherwise.
I'll use my Sadie as this example:

We all know what puppies do when they are beginning to grow up. They tear things apart, scratch at the leather couch, leaving the floor like a mine of poop bombs, and chew on the legs of your furniture. Thus leaving us with new obligations to restore and fix the "mess they caused?"

Much like God... stick with me, I'll explain

 So we repremand them. We send them away to the corner with their tales between their legs. 

(Sound familiar? When times are hard and God presents us with situations that seem a mess or problematic, we curse it and push it aside until it is solved on our own rather than trying to understand why it happened to begin with)

But twenty minutes later, when we get bad news or when all we want to do is cry over losing a job, who is right there by your side, wagging their tail and offering comfort and compassion? We may turn our back on them when they do something we just don't understand, but through it all, they provide us with the forgiveness and compassion to realize how precious it is at the end of the day to have each other to love.

Sadie taught me so much more in her short but wonderful 11 years on this earth. 

She showed me that we must indulge in life's greatest yet simplest pleasures: Sitting under the shade in the grass on a summer day, hanging out the window to catch the wind blowing through her hair, and showering the ones you love with kisses upon their arrival back home 

(even after only being at the grocery store for ten minutes)
She'd love to jump in the car to just drive around town, hop in your lap to watch TV, and play catch through the yard with golf balls just for a tasty treat and a pat upon the head.

This Thankful Thursday, I'd like to send a special prayer, thanking God for the blessing that was Sadie in our lives. I have felt the grace of such a friendship that I know is irreplaceable. The love we have for her and the love she showed towards us is something that words just cannot explain. I thank you God for sending us this one single black fur ball to enrich our lives and helping this family to understand the importance of friendship and the everlasting bond that can only be found between a dog and their family.

To my Sadie Girl:
 Thanks for giving us your whole heart. You will never be forgotten as a beautiful gift of abounding love. We love and miss you so much

R(in)R#2- Get to Know God Better

This resolution was the biggest one on my list for last year.
I know it's lengthy but if you read only one of my blog posts from now 'til next year, I pray it's this one:
It meant the most to me, and has had the greatest impact on my year by far.

Like I had said before, I sat in my bed on NYE when these resolutions came pouring inside my head... but this one was the only one to really reach my heart

I have always held fast on my faith in God. I have read His word, have believed every syllable in His book, and knew He was there... But sadly, it was almost like he was a long distance friend I only occasionally called on the telephone on an idle Wednesday night via collect...

And it was that NYE that it hit me... I NEED to change that

(If you didn't already know, I talk in Metaphor A LOT, and this post is no exception)

I could go on for days about how this relationship started forming, how it really started to turn from a ball of clay into something worth putting on display from within my own heart.
But I will do my best to keep it sweet and simple....

I started out in January leaving sticky notes around my room to make sure I was keeping up with this promise I made...

In the beginning, I had to answer these reminders with "Shoot! I need to get on that!" or "I forgot to do it! I ran out of time"

But after some time, I was able to pass these reminders and say "Yup! First thing this morning!" and my favorite, "Yea, several times already." It wasn't long until those reminders weren't needed anymore.

Now, I look back at those original statements and those excuses... 

they just don't even seem realistic anymore. 

They are virtually unacceptable.

I started meeting new people, Godly people that overflowed with Love and Genuine Faith. I started really GOING to church... really understanding what I was digesting through each message my pastor was giving. I took those lessons, the challenges we were set out to conquer throughout our week and really put them in play. I took time out and prayed at least twice EVERY DAY, and not just the traditional "Now I lay my head to sleep..." prayer, but having conversations with God just like I would with my own parents...my best friends... Really thanking him for giving me everything I have in my life. The friendships that have built me, the heart and mind that He gave me that supplies me with the courage, motivation, and drive to be who I am for his purpose. 

Finally, this summer I wanted to take everything that I had achieved, became, and was working towards from the past several months of my relationship with Christ and I got baptized on the beach with over 80 people from my church. I cannot begin to write out what the feeling was like. One of my best friends baptized me... I can't put into words how special it was to have someone baptize me who really helped me to reach that point with God that I could strongly stand firm and say "I give my life and ways up to Him". It was such an enormous blessing.

I pray my faith is not only growing in my own heart, but can overflow to fill others as well.

Now, when I go to surf at 5:30am and sit on my board, I not only have a great time with friends, but I also have great conversations and meaningful prayers with the One who gave me this ocean and this body to surf with. I go on runs and praise God for the ability to breathe his air and the legs that take me out there in the first place.

I am still growing, and I know this New Years Resolution has transformed into my way of life.
It's not something that you should work on for a year, a few years, a decade. It should be something you decide to follow from the point you know you're ready... for the rest of your life.